Elizabeth’s Fave Postpartum Secrets
The TL;DR: The Secrets About Postpartum that No One Is Telling You!
As a perinatal psychotherapist and a mom, I’m sharing the top postpartum secrets that no one talks about until they are in the thick of it. Having this information will give you a sense of direction and a framework for understanding your experience (and generally make you feel less like a crazy person!). So here we go!
When you have a new baby, you’re entering matrescence.
Matrescence is the transition into motherhood, or the process of becoming a mother, which involves emotional, psychological, spiritual, and physical shifts.
While new moms experience matrescence differently, it’s commonly an intense adjustment period with lots of feelings, including ambivalence: the conflicting feelings of grief and loss right next to intense joy and love.
Your brain is changing.
During pregnancy and throughout matrescence, the structure of your brain changes to prepare you for the job of motherhood. Think about all the new skills and knowledge you need to learn to be a mom. That’s your hippocampus (the brain’s center for learning and memory) exploding in growth! Why else would you need to know about every sleep sack available on the market?!
The regions of the brain that govern anxiety and empathy are more active during the postpartum period. This activity helps us to be attuned to our children’s needs, but also contributes to lots of intense conflicting emotions. That’s why you may have feelings of love and protectiveness but also vigilance and anxiety, all at the same time!
Having some worry is totally normal. All new moms experience some worry! However, if your worry and anxiety feels out of control or distressing, or causes scary intrusive thoughts, I highly encourage you to talk to a specialist. These intense and scary feelings are NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF! In fact, one in four new moms experience a Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorder (PMAD). Getting good support can and will help. (There are lots of great resources here!)
Your identity is fundamentally changing.
This is one of the biggest postpartum surprises that new moms are mentally and emotionally unprepared for. The identity crisis during matrescense can be totally scary and confusing as you begin to wonder, “Who am I now that I am a mom?” And yet, this is an incredible opportunity! This may be the first time in your adult life that you have the chance to rebuild yourself―your values and beliefs, your worth to your family and the world, and your interests and hobbies―from the ground up. It’s going to take time, and it won’t always be comfortable, but it’s a time to slow down, look inside, self-reflect, and emerge from postpartum as a new, stronger you.
Good postpartum planning goes a long way.
You may have already realized that much about this process is out of our control. Fertility, childbirth, and new motherhood are experiences that demand complete surrender. I highly recommend controlling what you can, and letting go of the rest, by focusing on building a rock-solid postpartum care plan.
Your Postpartum Care Plan can include:
Sharing and/or outsourcing domestic tasks, like meal planning, laundry, housecleaning, etc.
Assembling a care team of providers and specialists, including a lactation consultant, postpartum doula, and perinatal psychotherapist.
Finding your support people in advance by joining a new mom support group or mom walking community. (I love The Mom Walk Collective - you can find a walk near you here!)
Want more support for your early motherhood journey? You’re in luck! Postpartum Power Moves: A 4-Week Emotional Wellness Program for New Moms is currently enrolling for February 2024! Learn more here!